What I learned in my 28th year

As I enter the last year of my 20s, I want to reflect back on what I learned in year 28. So much happened. Let me walk you through it so my growth story makes a little more sense. 

• I took my grandpa instead of my ex-husband on a cruise around New Zealand and Australia. 
• I sold the condo I owned with my ex.
• I finally admitted that I have an eating disorder.
• I decided to try polyamory and fell in love with two amazing men. Then, I decided to move towards monogamy again with one of my partners, saying goodbye to the other one. 
• I embraced my sexuality and decided to stop letting other people tell me what I should do with my body. 
• I traveled to Australia, New Zealand, Bahrain, England, and Spain. 

I learned how to say no. 

I stopped doing that thing when someone asks you something and you think about it and eventually guilt yourself into saying yes. I started asking myself "how does that make me feel?" If the answer was "sh*tty" then I said no but thanks (and then guilted myself about it for 5 days after).

I started listening to my body and that little feeling in my gut that told me when things didn't feel right. Let me tell you, when you start listening to that thing, it's life-changing. 

When I was asked to take on more responsibility at work that I wasn't ready for, I said no. When someone said something to me that wasn't kind, I said no, you can't talk to me like that. When I was asked to be cordial with a woman who hated me, I said no, that's not worth my time. 

Each and every time I said no, I got a little bit stronger. It got a little bit easier. I still have so much learning to go but I know that I'm getting better at deciding what's best for me.

I learned to do things for me.

I got out of an abusive, monogamous marriage. I wanted to change things up. So I did. I immersed myself in the polyamorous community. I learned so much about myself from this alone. Then, I decided to step away from polyamory and that was okay too. Luckily, the only person that I need to explain myself to is me. 

There has been a lot of downtime since quitting my job... so I figured I'd start exploring some new hobbies. I took a krav maga self-defense class, a ceramics class, and I started my business. I've had a lot of questions from family and friends asking why I started my blog. But honestly, I started it because I believe in sharing my experience to help others. It let's me combine my passions of helping others and talking about sex. 

A common thought I have is: there are so many things I should be doing. F*ck that. What do I want to do? I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago and I'm happy with that. I started to learn that what others expected of me wasn't always what I wanted for myself. The only person I need to impress is myself. 

I learned to eat f*cking food. 

I spent so much of my life thinking that my worth was based on my size. Things hit a low right at I turned 28. I finally realized that's not the way things work. Learning to love my body helped me find more compassion for myself. This opened up so many doors in terms of my ability to overcome hardships. 

Recovery from my eating disorder is an ongoing challenge. One that I will have to work towards for the rest of my life, just like my sobriety. I'm happy to continue growing, even through the challenges that come up. 

My favorite quote from the early stages of my recovery comes from Glennon Doyle. She says: 

Your body is not your masterpiece — your life is.

It is suggested to us a million times a day that our BODIES are PROJECTS. They aren’t. Our lives are. Our spirituality is. Our relationships are. Our work is.

Stop spending all day obsessing, cursing, perfecting your body like it’s all you’ve got to offer the world. Your body is not your art, it’s your paintbrush. Whether your paintbrush is a tall paintbrush or a thin paintbrush or a stocky paintbrush or a scratched up paintbrush is completely irrelevant. What is relevant is that YOU HAVE A PAINTBRUSH which can be used to transfer your insides onto the canvas of your life — where others can see it and be inspired and comforted by it.

I'm not done.

Though I had these big realizations does not mean it's easy to do them every day. I still have to practice everything and work towards growth. There will still be times when I don't feel comfortable saying no, doing things for myself, or eating food. But I'm healing and finding myself a little bit more each day. 

If anyone else finds themselves struggling with an eating disorder, you are not alone. It is so difficult and recovery never ends. I found a lot of support through The Eating Disorder Foundation and their support groups. I hope you find help through them as well. 

Exploring my creative side has been incredibly healing too. If you're interested in seeing the candles and journals I created, feel free to check out the shop.