5 Red Flags I Ignored (And What I'd Do Differently)

Looking back, I didn’t miss the red flags — I saw them. I just wanted to believe they meant something else. That the anger was stress. That the distance was temporary. That the uneasiness in my chest was just me being “too sensitive.”

But here’s the truth:
Red flags in relationships aren’t always big, dramatic moments. They’re often small, subtle shifts that slowly wear down your sense of self. They don’t scream — they whisper.

These are five red flags I ignored — and how I’d handle them differently now.

1. They Always Had to Win

At first, it felt like they were just “strong-willed” or “passionate.” But over time, I realized everything was a game, and I was always the loser. Arguments weren’t about resolution, they were about domination. Eventually, I just stopped arguing. 

What I’d Do Differently:
Pay attention to how someone handles conflict. Disagreeing with respect is a green flag. If someone gets mean, manipulative, or aggressive when things don’t go their way, that’s not strength. That’s control.

2. I Was Always Explaining Myself

I found myself justifying my tone, my needs, even my silence. Every feeling I had needed a footnote. I walked on eggshells trying to make myself more palatable — less "emotional," less “difficult.”

What I’d Do Differently:
Leave. If I’m constantly explaining my worth or defending my needs, it’s not the right relationship. Being understood should be part of the connection, not a battle I’m always losing.

3. I Drifted Away from My People

I stopped telling my friends the whole story. I’d leave out details or make excuses for their behavior. Eventually, I stopped seeing my friends and family as much. I was isolated in that relationship. 

What I’d Do Differently:
Tell the truth. If you’re afraid of how your friends would react to the truth, ask why. I now use this as a personal compass: if I can’t speak openly about my relationship, something’s off. Silence is a symptom.

4. They Dismissed My Healing

Once I started the healing journey and brought my concerns to light, I was being gaslit even more than usual. I was "imagining things" and I was "overreacting."

What I’d Do Differently:
Healing is sacred. Now, I pay close attention to how someone reacts when I share something vulnerable. If they mock, dismiss, or minimize my growth, they’re not aligned with the person I’m becoming.

(And side note — this is one reason I created the Clarity Collection candles and digital journals. Sometimes your healing journey needs a sacred space, even if that space is just your own breath, a notebook, and the quiet flicker of a flame.)

5. I Didn’t Feel Like Myself Anymore

This one crept in slowly. I became quieter. Smaller. I second-guessed my voice. My spark faded because I didn’t feel safe letting it shine. I thought I was just “changing,"  but I was really just surviving.

What I’d Do Differently:
Now, I ask: do I feel more like myself in this relationship, or less? Do I feel safe to be seen, loud, soft, messy, emotional, powerful? If not, it’s a red flag I won’t ignore again.

Here’s What I Know Now

When you ignore red flags, you abandon yourself a little at a time.
You shrink, you over-explain, you twist into someone you barely recognize, just to be loved by someone who doesn’t even see you.

But it’s never too late to choose differently.

You don’t need a “perfect reason” to leave. You don’t need more proof. If your body is telling you something’s off — listen. Peace doesn’t require convincing. Healthy love doesn’t make you feel unsafe.

Final Thoughts: Healing After Red Flags

If you’ve been there, I want you to know you’re not broken. You’re not foolish. You’re human. We all ignore things when we desperately want something to work.

But next time — you’ll notice sooner.
You’ll trust yourself faster.
You’ll walk away stronger.

You can reclaim your fire. And you don’t have to do it alone.

❤️🔥
If this post spoke to you, I invite you to check out the Clarity Collection — a journal and candle line made to support you through this healing process, with softness, strength, and self-trust.